Coming of Age
by Septimus Butters
Summary: Malfoy wanted his first time to be with someone special, someone he could trust. But he never expected anything like this...


******Hi everyone! This is my first fic on , so please give me some reviews. Constructive criticism is welcome! **

**Coming of Age**

The Slytherin Common room was silent and empty, except for the sound of a scritchy old quill.

In the corner of the room, hunkered over his dowdy manuscript like an excreting troll was a butter-headed male in a green smock. His name was Draco, and he was in love. His face was like that of a Smurf as he scribbled his secret love-diary.

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><p><span>March 1<span>

Dear Cordial Log,

Today was the best day of my life. I went into the great hall, hoping to scope the beau maidens. The hall was empty. However, then I spotted my perfect one again. The fine, dung-coloured hair, the strong, pompous snout, the fanatical, beady opticals. I felt my trousers filling. I began to bawl. Crabbe and Goyle didn't understand what was wrong with me. They wouldn't. No one in my house likes my eager dream.

Once, I followed them all around the school. I watched as they shouted at that snitty red-beard, Ronald Wheezly, who is too butters for words. I swear, I will smite that hearty roustabout if I ever find him near my dearest again. I think they may be an item, but I cannot be sure.

Another foe of mine is that hideous beast of a feline who is constantly hanging around them. Why doesn't it just get lost ? My dearest is no bestial.

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><p>Later that night, Malfoy waddled out of the common room, his crotch swathed in lard, like a homoerotic walrus unbounded from the zoo. He coursed down the crooked vestibules of the grungy flea-pit that was Hogwarts, cackling like an LSD hag. He crept up to the 4th floor, where there was an empty classroom. Well, almost empty. In the corner, his angelic belch was waiting to meet him.<p>

His cantankerous babe was fluttering a pair of long, chocolate eye-lashes and was topless. Malfoy careered over to his suave lover and plunged his hands into their cleavage. Malfoy's secret lover squawked and bellowed with passion as they ripped off their quaint knickers and tore off Malfoy's antiquated slacks with the aggression of a teeth-gnashing mother spaniel.

"My nippy quiver!" Malfoy vocalised, his paunchy tummy swinging to the beat of a whole new era. His lover plunged their soiled phizog into Malfoy's lardy crotch while Malfoy beat-boxed enticingly, his sallow pins spinning like a whirligig.

"OOOOOOOOH!" Malfoy yodelled, clutching his supple honey's Double D's which had been encased in a luxury brassiere.

His mystery lover whipped their mutton-coloured, lengthy, brushy tresses around temptingly, and wheezed thunderously, turning Malfoy on so much he screamed.

The next thing he knew, Malfoy was being rammed powerfully up the rear with the Gryffindor sword, yielded by his extreme aficionado as a thrilling and euphorically hazardous penis substitute.

"AIYEEE!" The flaxen laddy roared, writhing with pleasure and glee as the raunchy rapier slid in and out of his rectum with increasing force.

Malfoy's keen daredevil was grunting and wanking intensely, seriously attracted by the young buck. The desk they were laying on rattled and shirked as the two hefty spinsters reared and screeched. There was a trememdous sound of chafing hair and a smell of burning cake and pungent excrement. Malfoy's warty pincers scrabbled at his unlikely ho's stout rear end, and they continued humping ALL NIGHT LONG!

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><p>The two woke up to the dawn light akin to a watery poached egg. Malfoy looked up into his dear dump's opticals and grimaced, his fangs gleaming.<p>

"Oh, Argus. I love you." He hoiked, scratching his armpit.

Filch turned to his juvenile ram and breathed out a pooey sigh.

" I love you too." He said, as a boogle of weasels erupted out of his pubes and stampeded across the room. The cute couple giggled and then dived back under the covers for a final rummage.

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><p><strong>Awww! This is my favourite pairing, even though there are hardy any stories about them. Draco X Filch forever 3 <strong>

**Thanks for reading! Love Septimus.**


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